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Dreaming Big

I’ve been thinking a lot this month about dreaming big. Honestly I spent a decent amount of time being wrapped around the axle about it. You see I had a belief that I don’t dream big. (Yes, I have laughable limiting beliefs!) When I was in the grip of this belief, guess what? No big ideas. I tried to “vision” and “plan” and “brainstorm” and all kinds of other things to make the ideas come out. Nothing. When I believe I don’t dream big, I don’t dream big. It’s that simple.

I realized the truth is that I dream big and make it happen so fast that sometimes I don’t realize what I’ve done. Oooh, that felt better! All of the sudden the big ideas started coming, people even approached me with big ideas! And, I noticed that I quickly started to make them happen.

Here are the steps I went through to move from playing small to dreaming big:

1. Bust the beliefs
The first step in allowing yourself to dream big is to address any limiting beliefs you have around your ability to do so. You might think limiting thoughts like:

“If I dream it, then I have to make it happen and that’s scary.”
“If I allow myself to dream and it doesn’t happen, I’ll be disappointed.”
“If I dream it and make it happen, my friends/family won’t approve.”

Bust those beliefs by looking at the opposites of your fears:

“If I DON’T dream it, I won’t make it happen and that’s scary.”
“If I DON’T allow myself to dream, it won’t happen and I’ll be disappointed.”
“If I DON’T dream it and make it happen, I won’t approve.”

Could these statements be as true or even more true than the original fears? What happens in your life if you don’t dream big?

2. Use your own definition of “big”
If it’s inspiring and energizing, then it’s big. Doesn’t matter what it actually is, what matters is how you FEEL about it.

3. Let ‘er rip
Give those random, crazy ideas light and air. As I was making my vision board this year, I found myself pasting on an image of a blonde woman on the radio. Until that point, I hadn’t consciously realized I wanted to be on the radio. I had no idea what I wanted to do on the radio, it just sounded fun on a deep level. I didn’t pressure myself to figure it out, I didn’t run out and start an internet radio show. I just noticed and started tuning in to see what felt right. I started telling people I wanted to be on the radio and opportunities to be a guest on several radio shows arose. I have no idea where this radio thing is going, but I’m enjoying the ride.

Put your half-baked idea out there—write it down, put it on a vision board, start telling your friends. It just might be your next big idea.

4. Think good thoughts, and water
My mom and I were out planting plants the other day and had this exchange:

Mom: “I hope these transplants make it here.”

Me: “We’ll think good thoughts for them.”

Mom: “Think good thoughts and add water.”

Aside from making me laugh (I could do better at watering the plants), this struck me as profound. Making big things happen is equal parts inspiration and action—inspired action. I can’t just think good thoughts about the plants and expect them to thrive. But, when I’m thinking good thoughts about the plants, I remember that they love to be watered and get out there and do it. The same with your big ideas, think about them, get inspired and then do the footwork to make them happen.

What does dreaming big have to do with weight loss? If you are dreaming big, there’s no need to eat big.

The Happiness Equation

I’ll be happy when:
   I’m at my ideal weight.
   The economy turns around.
   My candidate gets elected.
   I get an awesome new job/car/relationship.

It’s easy to buy into the “I’ll be happy when” formula. The problem is if you wait for everything (or even one thing) to align perfectly to be happy, you’re in for a very long and painful wait.

We think the Happiness Equation works like this:
   Thin = Happy
   Money = Happy
   Get what I want = Happy

This equation states that when the condition has been met, happiness will follow. That sucks. Here’s why:

If the condition is something you can’t affect, say the economy or the election, you are automatically giving up your own power to determine your own happiness to something that’s completely beyond your control. Your happiness is now conditional on the Nasdaq or how people in Florida count ballots. No offense to the fine people of Florida, but I don’t really want them in charge of my happiness.

If the condition is something you can affect, for example money or your weight, then you’ve set yourself up for an arduous schlep to your goal. It’s a heck of a lot harder—if not impossible—to reach your goals when you withhold happiness until the goal is met. I call this the Infinite Loop of Unhappiness and it looks like this:

If: Money = Happy

Then: Don’t have money = unhappy

Then: Demoralized that I don’t have money, not creative about making money = unhappy

Repeat.

Here’s the winning formula:

   Happy = Money
   Happy = Thin
   Happy = Have all I need (easy to get what I want)

The secret is to be happy first. Here’s some tips to help you get your happy on.

Find the Feeling: When we want something, we’re really looking for the feeling that thing will give us. Find the feeling now. How will you feel when you have money, a new job, a tight bod, George Clooney or Angie? Once you know the feeling you’re looking for, you can start to create that feeling in your life today.

Accept where you are right now: We think if we change something about our current reality, we’ll feel better. But with that thinking, there is always some mystical “there” that is not here. It’s like chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Accepting your imperfect life as it is right now allows you to see what’s good around you right now.

Bring the focus back to you: Trying to change others to make us happy is a losing formula. That’s like leaving your happiness to chance: If someone “behaves” then we can be happy, if they don’t then we can’t. The only person you absolutely can affect is you—focus on “behaving” in a way that makes you happy regardless of what others are doing.

Staying happy and resilient even during the toughest times just requires doing the math. How does your happiness add up?

How Will I Make Money Doing That?

This is the most frequent fear I hear from clients who are contemplating a career change. Worrying about how you will make money while dreaming about your ideal career is like being doused with cold water while sleeping—disruptive at best, completely unnerving at worst. Here are some tips for how to allow yourself to dream about your ideal career AND figure out how you’re going to make money.

Create a Dreaming Sandbox
(The kind kids play in, not the one the cat uses.)
In the Internet world, web developers have what they call a “sandbox.” This is a web-based environment solely for the developer where she can play with new code and see how it works on a pseudo-version of the website, without messing up anything on the real site.

Create your own Dreaming Sandbox where you allow yourself to play with new ideas. Don’t worry if the ideas you’re playing with can make it in the real world or not, just allow them to form and evolve. Have fun with it, let yourself have silly, impractical ideas. Letting yourself have those ideas will lead you down paths you’ve never before explored.

Put Your Fears in the Parking Lot
As you allow yourself to start dreaming, fears will inevitably come up. Write down your fears and put them aside—I call it the “Parking Lot”—to deal with later. This way you aren’t resisting the fears, but you also aren’t letting them get in the way of the creative process.

Solve for Career and Money as Two Separate Problems
Note how you feel when you say the below statements to yourself:

Statement 1
I really want to be a <insert career idea here> but I also need to make <insert amount of money>.

vs.
Statement 2
I really want to be a <insert career idea>; what’s the next step to move toward it?
AND
I would like to make <insert amount of money>, how can I do that?

I’m guessing Statement 2 feels better. Perhaps it even blew your mind a bit with new possibilities you hadn’t considered before. When you join the questions “What will I do?” and “How will I make money?” you are requiring your dream to deliver the financial goods right away. This often feels like an insurmountable problem, so we stop dreaming. When you separate these questions, new possibilities unfold. Suddenly there are many ways to move toward your heart’s desire and make money along the way.

The next time someone asks you how you’ll make money pursuing your dream, tell them you’ll do it the same way you always have—with style, creativity, and a little elbow grease.

P.S.

If you live in Seattle, check out my upcoming Mastering Money workshop.

Inspiration

I’ve been thinking a lot about inspiration this week. While it’s important to do the deep work on the stuff that holds us back from living the life we truly want, it’s also important to aspire, dream and imagine. Isn’t that why we do all the work?

I saw Meadow Devor’s mind movie earlier this week, had a massive never-before-experienced flash of inspiration, jumped out of bed at an ungodly hour and made this.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tP485aTeBos]

What inspires you?

Learn more about mind movies here.