Levity

Are you destined to live in a van by the river?

I just had to share this awesome post from Martha Beck’s blog. Pam Slim (Martha’s lead blogger and prominent blogger in her own right) breaks down what Martha calls our “lizard” fears. These are the tapes we constantly play in our minds. The greatest hits of our lizard fears go something like this:

“I’ll never fall in love.”
“I’m going to be a bag lady.”
“I’ll never succeed.”
“I never get what I really want.”
“I’m not good enough.”

Any of these sound familiar? Pam does a great job of explaining where these fears come from and how to quiet your own inner lizard. Be sure to scroll down to the bottom of the post and check out the hilarious vintage Saturday Night Live video of Chris Farley playing Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker. Priceless.

Read the post >

It’s a Total Cluster!

When I was a corporate citizen one of my favorite and most-used words was cluster&*#$ (rhymes with fustercluck). I, along with many co-workers (with much credit to Justin Foster), developed a colorful vocabulary to describe the escalation of problems and associated emails, meetings and actions one experiences in the corporate world when it all goes bad.

FYI
FYIs usually come in the form of emails and are used to inform a superior or other relevant party that a problem (such as a Minor Cluster) may be brewing. They usually do not require further action, but in some cases the recipient may choose to respond with a Little Sit-Down.

Little Sit-Down
Describes the conversation that happens between two professionals when there are issues to be addressed. It’s not usually an acrimonious meeting, but is a bit stronger than a FYI. You might say something like, “I need to have a Little Sit-Down with Jones in advertising to get on the same page vis-à-vis the Widgets-R-Us account.” (It’s my sincere hope you don’t really talk this way, but you get the idea.)

Minor Cluster
A Minor Cluster may follow on the heels of an FYI or come out of the blue.  Somewhere, someone screwed up enough to cause a ripple of angst within the company. A Minor Cluster may result in a Swirl, various Sit-Downs, another FYI, or all of the above (common).

Swirl
A Swirl is the frenetic-but-unproductive activity that usually follows a Cluster of any type. Swirls may include some or all of the following: executive requests for impossible-to-gather information, 5 p.m. meetings, quickly implementing Cluster fixes only to pull them 30 minutes later, multimedia finger-pointing, crazy idea generation, breathless emails, closed-door office meetings and my favorite, being asked to do something that takes 3 months in less than an hour (i.e. magical thinking).

Total Cluster
A Total Cluster has an especially strong correlation to a Come-to-Jesus (see below). When a Total Cluster happens, the proverbial crapola has hit the fan. A Total Cluster is always followed by a mad flurry of activity to fix the problem, much Swirling and usually more than a little CYA activity as well. There will be some kind of unpleasant fallout from a Total Cluster. You know you’ve hit the cluster hall-of-fame when someone says, “We don’t want this to turn out like another <insert name of cluster event here> again.”

Come-to-Jesus
The conversation that happens with the responsible party after a Total Cluster. If this is a client/vendor relationship, the vendor will be put on notice to not do this again or else. There will be a high degree of mea culpa-ing and talk of “make goods.” If the talk is between internal groups, there will likely be blaming and finger-pointing, which may include evidence presented via Excel or PowerPoint. The ideal outcome of a CTJ is that the parties can get past the anger to have a true meeting of the minds (MOM) to resolve the issue and ensure it doesn’t happen again. Sadly, this does not always happen.

Heart-to-Heart
Smart corporate denizens will arrange to have a Heart-to-Heart (H2H) with one key person from the “other side” after a Come-to-Jesus (or even before). This is where the two individuals privately air any grievances and attempt to repair the relationship in order to move forward. The Heart-to-Heart is not used nearly enough and can be very effective in heading off future Sit-Downs, Clusters and Come-to-Jesus events. The key to the H2H is to be honest and forthright and willing to see the situation from your compatriot’s point of view.

Tips for Staying Sane in the Face of a Cluster

1. Stay Calm
Do not buy into the hysteria around you. A good rule of thumb is the more intense people get, the calmer you should strive to be. If you need to, take a moment to step outside, have a momentary freak out and then take a deep breath and calm yourself. Not only is this just good for your state of mind, but you’ll be much better equipped to come up with viable solutions to the problem at hand. Plus people will think you’re amazing under pressure.

2. You are not the cluster.
Even if you are unfortunate enough to be at the center of the latest tempest, remember that these events do not define you. This is simply a bump in the road, and no matter how big the bump, it will pass. 

3. Fall on your sword.
Mistakes happen, do your best to clean up the mess, fall on your sword as needed, and move on. Taking responsibility is a much better tactic than denial. You might still be in hot water, but people will respect you for taking responsibility. Just don’t overdo it, martyrdom is going too far and makes others uncomfortable.

4. It’s just clothes.
This is what one of my mentors used to say to remind me to have perspective. We worked for an apparel retailer and ultimately no matter how important we thought our work was, we were just selling clothes. This may not work if you’re an emergency room doc, but it does the trick for most gigs.

5. Remember that you’ll have a funny story later.
Clusters are almost always hilarious in hindsight. It could take a couple of years, but at some point this is going to make a great story.

Have your own cluster or vocabulary word to contribute? Comment and share.

How do you react to the good?

Scruffy, the Momentum LifeWorks mascot and general wonderdog, inspired me to write this post. See, when we give her a really good treat like a chewy bone or a Dingo, she goes a little nutty. She carries the newly-acquired treasure around in her mouth and wanders all over the house whining this little pitiful whine. She seems to be looking for an ideal place to either stash or consume her booty. Even though she got exactly what she wants, she has no idea what to do now. Sound familiar?

This got me thinking about how we react when really outstanding things happen. Say, for instance, getting a new job. At first there’s elation, “I got a new job, yay! I’m so excited.” Perhaps you do a little happy dance and tell all your friends. Right on the heels of that comes the first “whine” (if you will) in the form of, “Oh crap! I have a new job.” (Wow, what will I ever do with this treat?). Then we proceed to have all kinds of thoughts about what could happen–What if I fail? (Should I hide it in the couch?), What if I don’t like it? (Should I eat it on the stairs?), What if no one likes me? (Should I bury it outside?). Now we are thoroughly freaked out about this wonderful new job (chewy bone) and are unable to enjoy it.

My advice? Do what Scruffy does, after about 10 minutes she realizes she has a wonderful chewy bone—it’s right there, just for her! What a great and glorious day this is! Then she sits down and enjoys every minute of it. What changed? She quit worrying about what to do, which caused her to quit her tailspin and then all she had to do was sit down and eat the bone (show up and do the job). Yum.

Soundtrack of your life

If your life had a soundtrack, what would it be? I find music to be a powerful mood-altering substance (in a good way). I like to make playlists around themes in my life. In Martha Beck’s book Finding Your Own North Star, she talks about the essential self vs. the social self. Your essential self is your core—the part of you that is pure desire, emotion and joy. Your social self is that part of you that gets things done—but it’s also the part of you that can get wrapped up in the world around you. Both aspects of yourself are good, but contrary to popular opinion, you’ll be much happier if you put your essential self in the driver’s seat. After all, your essential self knows where you really want to go.

So, what would the playlist for your essential and social selves be?

For my social self:

Here Comes the Rain Again, Eurythmics
Church of the Poison Mind, Culture Club
Because of You, Kelly Clarkson
Private Idaho, The B-52’s
I Want You to Want Me, Cheap Trick
Brand New Lover, Dead or Alive
Devil in My Car, The B-52’s
Once in a Lifetime, Talking Heads
Here it Goes Again, Ok Go
Inside Out, Eve 6
Not Ready to Make Nice, Dixie Chicks
Never There, Cake

For my essential self:

Let’s Go Crazy, Prince
Stronger, Kanye West
Philadelphia Freedom, Elton John
Personal Jesus, Depeche Mode
Suddenly I See, KT Tunstall
Superstition, Stevie Wonder
Unwritten, Natasha Bedingfield
Three Little Birds, Bob Marley
So Alive, Love & Rockets
Free Your Mind, En Vogue
September, Earth, Wind, & Fire
Here I Am, Al Green
Stand and Deliver, Adam Ant

I find when I’m a funk that turning either one of these up to 11 does the trick. Beats listening to NPR.

Comment and share the soundtrack of your life.