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Writer’s Block

I’ve had an action-packed (and very fun) summer and just haven’t felt like writing. There’s been several things I’ve wanted to write about, but the desire just does not seem to be fully back in place. That’s ok, it’ll come.

What I have been finding are a ton of great blog posts that I’ve been sending to my clients. So I figured I’d share them with you too since I’ve got nothin’ right now.

Jeannette Maw, the fabulous Good Vibe Coach, recently posted an interactive discussion about how to move toward what you want by acting as if you already have it. Be sure to read the comments!

Brooke Castillo, one of my mentors, recently posted an oldie but goodie about the lies we tell ourselves about our relationship with food. (Hint: You don’t  have a “relationship” with food, you have relationships with people.)

Master Coach and my very good friend Susan Hyatt chimes in with this nugget about savoring the moment. Juicy.

Another Master Coach and very good friend Michele Woodward wrote this post about when other people’s gifts (think metaphor here) become junk.

You’ll hear more from me next week. In the meantime, enjoy these posts, I did.

Resistance is Futile

Remember this line from Star Trek, the Next Generation? No? Here’s a refresher: there was this alien race called The Borg and they grew powerful by “assimilating” unwilling others into their Borg collective. Their classic line was, “Resistance is futile.” Turns out those Borg dudes were onto something.

I was reading this diet book last night (which shall remain nameless) where the author said “resisting” so many times, it started to make me feel a little jumpy. Resist overeating, resist cravings, resist your thinking. Just keep on resisting and those pounds will fall right off. Ugh.

My experience with resistance is more along the lines of “what we resist, persists.” Meaning the more you resist, the more you find yourself nose-first in nachos.

Try this little experiment:

Think about the color green.

Now DON’T think about it. Don’t! Don’t do it, stop it, no green.

Seriously I mean it, no green!

Have you just seen more green things than you have in a year?
That’s how resistance works.

Telling yourself to not do or think something is the same as telling your mind to put your full attention on it. So when you decide to resist that tempting Godiva bar (Or as I call it, Go-Diva), you have now created a traction beam to it. Before you know it, you’ve been assimilated into the chocolate-covered Borg.

So if resistance is futile, what now?

Flip from resistance mode to curious mode and dive right into it.

When you find yourself resisting something, it’s the fighting of it that makes it that much stronger. Instead of running away from the object of your resistance, walk right up to it and find out what the heck it’s all about. Be curious about why you’re trying to avoid the food/feeling/person/activity.

In the case of food, is it something you’ve told yourself you shouldn’t have? What if you truly allowed yourself to have it? Or, you might notice you want it because you think it will make you feel better. Would it? Once you’re in curious mode rather than resistance mode, you can actively choose what you want to do.

If it’s a feeling you’re avoiding. Spelunk right into it and see what’s there. Is the feeling as intense as you thought? Can you handle feeling it? How does it feel in your body, what does it make you want to do? Oh, the feeling’s gone already? Funny how that works…

When you stop resisting, you’ll find the intensity of the feeling or craving lessens or even goes away entirely. Resistance is like fuel for your negative emotions, it just makes them burn hotter. Once you remove the fuel, the emotion becomes right sized. You also feel the emotion all the way through so you can be done with it. Resistance just drags it out.

Whether it’s anger, boredom, Ho-Hos or the Borg, resistance is futile.

Dreaming Big

I’ve been thinking a lot this month about dreaming big. Honestly I spent a decent amount of time being wrapped around the axle about it. You see I had a belief that I don’t dream big. (Yes, I have laughable limiting beliefs!) When I was in the grip of this belief, guess what? No big ideas. I tried to “vision” and “plan” and “brainstorm” and all kinds of other things to make the ideas come out. Nothing. When I believe I don’t dream big, I don’t dream big. It’s that simple.

I realized the truth is that I dream big and make it happen so fast that sometimes I don’t realize what I’ve done. Oooh, that felt better! All of the sudden the big ideas started coming, people even approached me with big ideas! And, I noticed that I quickly started to make them happen.

Here are the steps I went through to move from playing small to dreaming big:

1. Bust the beliefs
The first step in allowing yourself to dream big is to address any limiting beliefs you have around your ability to do so. You might think limiting thoughts like:

“If I dream it, then I have to make it happen and that’s scary.”
“If I allow myself to dream and it doesn’t happen, I’ll be disappointed.”
“If I dream it and make it happen, my friends/family won’t approve.”

Bust those beliefs by looking at the opposites of your fears:

“If I DON’T dream it, I won’t make it happen and that’s scary.”
“If I DON’T allow myself to dream, it won’t happen and I’ll be disappointed.”
“If I DON’T dream it and make it happen, I won’t approve.”

Could these statements be as true or even more true than the original fears? What happens in your life if you don’t dream big?

2. Use your own definition of “big”
If it’s inspiring and energizing, then it’s big. Doesn’t matter what it actually is, what matters is how you FEEL about it.

3. Let ‘er rip
Give those random, crazy ideas light and air. As I was making my vision board this year, I found myself pasting on an image of a blonde woman on the radio. Until that point, I hadn’t consciously realized I wanted to be on the radio. I had no idea what I wanted to do on the radio, it just sounded fun on a deep level. I didn’t pressure myself to figure it out, I didn’t run out and start an internet radio show. I just noticed and started tuning in to see what felt right. I started telling people I wanted to be on the radio and opportunities to be a guest on several radio shows arose. I have no idea where this radio thing is going, but I’m enjoying the ride.

Put your half-baked idea out there—write it down, put it on a vision board, start telling your friends. It just might be your next big idea.

4. Think good thoughts, and water
My mom and I were out planting plants the other day and had this exchange:

Mom: “I hope these transplants make it here.”

Me: “We’ll think good thoughts for them.”

Mom: “Think good thoughts and add water.”

Aside from making me laugh (I could do better at watering the plants), this struck me as profound. Making big things happen is equal parts inspiration and action—inspired action. I can’t just think good thoughts about the plants and expect them to thrive. But, when I’m thinking good thoughts about the plants, I remember that they love to be watered and get out there and do it. The same with your big ideas, think about them, get inspired and then do the footwork to make them happen.

What does dreaming big have to do with weight loss? If you are dreaming big, there’s no need to eat big.

Fast vs. Slow

I was thinking about fast vs. slow this morning. And how wanting to lose weight fast can make it come slow. Wanting to lose weight fast leads to lots of initial momentum and perhaps doing things like not quite eating to satisfaction, or doing the latest diet and then feeling dejected when you don’t see outstanding results right away, creating a loss of momentum. All of the sudden other things seem more pressing than taking care of your body and mind. In that way, wanting it fast can actually slow down the weight loss process—or even stop it.

On the flipside, it’s possible that taking it slow may result in “faster” weight loss. This could look like going back to the basics of keeping a food journal and and not letting yourself get too hungry or full. It could mean being kind to yourself which results in feeling really good and motivated about the work you’re doing, which leads you to wanting to do more, which leads to you losing more weight—perhaps faster than on the “fast” track.

I’m just sayin’.

It tastes so good…

You know this scenario, right? You’re eating something scrumptious and you know you’re full, but you think, “It tastes so good, I don’t want to stop eating.” and with that, you blow by fulls-ville into overstuffed town, perhaps with a side trip to bloated city. If you want to lose weight, chances are there’s a big part of you that really does want to stop eating—that part of you is just not in charge at the moment.

Here’s a checklist you can use to see what’s really behind the ‘It’s so good’ phenomenon and get yourself back on track:

Are you depriving yourself?
Deprivation and overindulgence are two ends of the same pendulum. When you make certain foods forbidden, you are loading up the deprivation side of the pendulum. That pendulum is eventually going to swing the other way into overindulgence. It’s physics, it’s going to happen. When you finally allow yourself to have that tasty treat, your inner wild child will kick in and of course you won’t want to stop eating. After all, it’s going to be a LONG time before you let yourself have this treat again!

Like any pendulum, there’s a huge area of balance within the two extremes. Stop the deprivation/overindulgence cycle by shifting to the center. All foods are allowed, there is no forbidden fruit. I know you’re thinking that you’ll start eating with wild abandon, you won’t. What happens is food becomes right sized. If you can have ice cream any time, that means you don’t have to pack in the whole pint in one sitting. You could pick the exact kind of ice cream you want and savor each bite. You might catch yourself thinking something like “This is so good, I could have it again tomorrow night!”

You find yourself saying, “I deserve this.”

It’s been a hard, frustrating day at work. That Bill is such a f*&%ing idiot. Ahhh, home, relaxation, I deserve this treat. Stoprightthere. This looks like eating for the joy of it (which I fully support) but the “I deserve” gives it away as eating to comfort or gratify yourself.

If you’re feeling like you deserve a nice big slice of cheesecake or plate of nachos, take a moment to ask yourself what you really deserve. After a stressful day, do you really deserve to overstuff your body with food? Do you really deserve to feel guilty afterward? Sounds kinda mean to me. Ask yourself what you really deserve—to go to bed early, to exercise and release some stress, maybe a hot bath or a book, or a hot bath AND a book!

What percentage of joy in life are you getting from food?

If you answered more than 10%, think about diversifying your joy. At this point many of my clients start wracking their brains for classes they can take or new hobbies to try. Upping your joy quotient isn’t necessarily about trying new things. It can be, but it’s also about noticing the joy in your life right now—the joyful moments. The more you notice the joy around you, the more you will create. When you diversify your joy, it’s much easier to put down the fork because frankly, you have better things to do.