Blog

Abandon Safety

Abandon the safety of your small life. Be willing to be broken open. It has gifts for you—this life—soul lessons to be learned. Be afraid and dive—that is real courage. Find yourself in the depths.

Abandon the safety of the shore, the shallow end, your silly water wings. Let yourself sink into your own heart. Break through the icy crust of hurt and defense, and into the clear pool of your deep desire.

Let go of the edge and plunge.

Turning the Corner

One day, after the heartache, The Maybe, the tears, and the anguish…

You turn the corner.

And it all looks different.

You can breathe more deeply, your future looks bright, you start to dream again.

You understand that thing–that ass-kicking thing that was so hard–happened for you and not to you.

And you begin to walk the new path.

The Truth

Hello readers! Here’s an update to The Maybe post–I promised I would keep you apprised.

Here’s what I learned about my time in The Maybe:

I knew exactly what I wanted.

It scared the living hell of out me.

I was living in The Maybe because I was not ready for The Truth.

There’s nothing bad about living in The Maybe, it’s necessary. It’s like standing at the top of the high dive before taking the plunge. Except you have no idea you’re on a high dive and you certainly don’t think you’re going to plunge. You’re more like, “Gee, it’s kinda windy and wobbly up here, and why the hell am I wearing a swimsuit?” You know you’re on the edge of something big, but you have no clue what it is.

The Maybe is the precursor to The Truth.

The Truth is the scary-yet-deeply-resonant thing right there in front of you that you don’t want to see. Maybe you’ve tried to make it go away. Maybe you’ve told yourself you were confused. Maybe you told yourself you shouldn’t have that thing. Maybe you said it’s not this thing–certainly not!–it’s this much easier-to-digest and socially acceptable thing over here. It’s most certainly not that wild thing–because if it is, there’s gonna be a shitstorm.

The Truth means big, scary changes.

The Truth sometimes means tears and heartbreak.

At the very least The Truth means much gnashing of teeth and sleepless nights.

The Truth is big, it’s disruptive, and it’s gonna bring all your crap up.

The Truth means not everyone is going to agree with or like you. Guaranteed.

The Truth is gnarly.

The Truth is not the easy way out.

By now you’re saying why the hell would I ever choose The Truth? Because.

The Truth also means deep joy and fulfillment.

The Truth means living authentically.

The Truth is full-on living.

The Truth means answering the call of who you are and what you’re supposed to do in the world.

The Truth is freedom.

When I stopped resisting The Maybe, The Truth became apparent. A note here for the gentle reader who might be quaking in her shoes: Just because you tell yourself The Truth does not mean you have to do a darn thing about it. Or that acting on your Truth looks like you think. What comes after telling yourself The Truth are The Insights; your marching orders for living your Truth. We try to access The Insights before we acknowledge The Truth–we want to know how before we know exactly what. In my experience it doesn’t work that way. You have to leap before you can know what the water feels like. I’m here to tell you, the water feels divine. And while it’s not always easy, I’m swimming just fine.

PS

My truth involved a hummingbird tattoo.

Thanks to Suzy from Two Birds Tattoo, Seattle.

Africa and The Maybe

Many of you know I recently had the extreme privilege of joining Martha Beck and twelve fabulous men and women for this year’s African STAR. It was amazing. Life-changing. Transformative. We saw leopards mating, need I say more?

Leopard foreplay...

Here’s what I thought would happen before I left:
I’ve been working on revamping my coaching practice and figuring out “what’s next” for me. I’ve met with some really cool experts who have helped me flesh out messaging and ideas, and even though it’s been hard work (Big clue alert! While a business revamp can be a big project, it shouldn’t feel like hard work. I wasn’t feeling the flow with it.) I felt like I was in the home stretch. I figured I would go to Africa, it would all gel and I would come home energized (after a day to recover from jet lag of course!), inspired and ready to LAUNCH my new COACHING PRACTICE. Dun, dun DUN!

The Universe, as played by Africa with a supporting cast of wild animals,  was like, “HA!”

Hyenas say "Ha!"

This is what actually happened:
I’m about an hour into the first leg of the flight and I’m talking to Martha about my FUTURE COACHING PRACTICE! (dun, dun, DUN!) And I realize what I was creating was not it at all. Sure, parts of what I created are it. But the whole, nope, too small. Huh.

Hippo says, "Ha!"

So I’m on the plane to Africa and I joke to Martha that I know less now than I did before I left the ground. But, I say confidently, I’m sure it will all come together in Africa!

Lioness says, "Ha!" (Well she's totally saying "Ha!" inside.)

It didn’t.

I went to Africa searching for inspiration and answers, and I got Maybe.

I didn’t know what I was experiencing could be called “The Maybe” until one of my fellow STARlings sent me this post from Mastin Kipp of Thedailylove.com called “Can You Live In The Maybe?” In it, he says,

Instead of demanding what we want and wanting it now, can we ask The Uni-verse for what we want, and then let go? Can we rest in the peace of the moment knowing we are provided for and that the perfect thing, which is probably better than what we asked for in the first place, will show up?

I am not a fan of The Maybe. I think The Maybe can bite it. Yet here I am. I’ve been here before, but this Maybe feels big. And it’s being stubbornly Maybe-ish about the whole thing.

I seem to be constitutionally incapable of applying my mind to the problem of “what next” and coming up with an answer that inspires me. That’s because it’s not a mind thing. I’m finally learning that all the real things are soul things, and I can’t think my way through them. I have to be and feel my way through. Which is living in The Maybe. To do like Mastin says, to truly learn to let go–as opposed to kinda sorta not really letting go–to be here now and to do whatever feels good in this moment. What feels good in the moment are things like talking to friends, attempting to connect to my body and emotions (I resist this a lot, it’s ok), sitting outside, doing fun things like going to comedy shows, trying stand-up paddling, and taking a running class.

I’m doing this because I have faith. Faith that the Maybe can imagine a hell of a lot bigger and cooler than I can. Faith that now is not the time to gallop forward. Faith that I can relax, give up the reins, and let the universe drive for a while.

I’m going to take a shot at deeply trusting The Maybe.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

There’s Nothing Wrong with You

There is nothing wrong with you.

It’s true.

I see your raised eyebrow, stick with me here for a sec.

You are not broken, you do not need to be fixed.
Your soul is whole.
The shitty things you believe about yourself are not true.
Even if you’ve done shitty things, you are not a shitty person.

You might be misguided and misinformed about yourself.
You might be disconnected from your true nature.
You may have forgotten who you really are.
Hell, your chakras might be out of whack.

But there’s nothing wrong with you.

You only believe there is.

I know you’ll try to convince me. You’ll give me a list of your transgressions ranging from lying, cheating and stealing to the size of your thighs.

I’m not buying it.
Not one bit.

You only transgressed because you believed that was how to get your needs met.
You only feel ashamed because you think you’re a bad person for what you did.
And what the heck did your thighs do to you to deserve this harsh treatment anyway?

That’s not to say that we aren’t flawed human beings. Oh we are!
It’s to say there’s nothing wrong with that.

That’s not to say that we don’t have darkness, struggles, imperfections. We do.
It’s to say that our flaws, darkness, struggles, imperfections and occasional shit-fits are all part of us. They make us whole.

Life is not about fixing what is wrong with you. It’s about throwing your arms wide, digging deep and embracing all that is you.

Find compassion for yourself rather than abuse.
Think about it, has abusing yourself and your body gotten you what you wanted?
Try giving yourself the benefit of the doubt.
Try forgiving.
Try to see how that thing you did–that awful thing–was about trying to meet your own needs. And then meet your own needs.

Try kindness.

You give so much kindness to others.

There’s nothing wrong with giving some to you.