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Eat What You Want (WHAT?!?)

When I tell my clients they can eat what they want, they usually respond with
some version of “Huh?”

“You mean I can eat pizza?” Yes.
“Nachos?” Yes.
“Ice cream?” Yes.

They tend to go two different directions with this stunning information.

Either into Wild Child I-can-stay-up-as-late-as-I-want-mode: Whoo hoo! I can eat whatever I want!! Pass the cocktail weenies and cotton candy!

Or they go into Inner Dictator freak out mode: WHAT!!! I’ll get big as a house if I eat that way! Are you crazy! Pass me the -10 calorie ice cream bars and carrot sticks! And get me a diet plan while you’re at it!

Neither one of these are what I mean by eating what you want.

We’ve spent so much time depriving ourselves of certain foods and then rebelling against the deprivation, that the idea of eating what we want from a balanced place is completely foreign. When you’re in that deprivation/overindulgence cycle, you’re ping-ponging back and forth between those reactive behaviors. You lose sight of the bigger picture.

You create the bigger picture by redefining what you want–a compelling, juicy, vision for life that includes foods you want, but more importantly, includes the YOU that you want.

Here are some questions to help you determine the YOU that you want:

How would you like to feel about yourself at the end of the day?

What are 3 actions you could take each day to cause you to feel that way?

What does your body feel like at it’s best? (e.g. energized, satisfied-but-light, strong, etc…)

What could you eat that would cause you to feel that way?

What else can you do to cause your body to feel that way?

And, in the moment when you’re noodling on whether or not to have that chocolate sundae, you can ask yourself this:

Knowing that it’s perfectly ok to have this if I want (and I can truly savor and enjoy it and stop when I’m satisfied), is it in alignment with the ME I really want?

How will I feel about myself after I eat it?

Am I eating it to avoid something unpleasant?

Will it be delicious?

These are not trick questions, sometimes you’ll choose the sundae (but without the guilt). What you’ll find as you start to live in the space between the inner dictator and the wild child, is that sometimes you won’t choose it.

Not because you can’t or shouldn’t, but simply because it’s not what you want.

Juicy Goals

I finally get it about goals.

You see, I loathed setting goals. Whether it was in the corporate boardroom or an inspirational coaching retreat, when the goal-talk started, my internal grump-o-meter would move into the red. Especially if the word goal was followed by the chirpy expression, “dream big!”

I dreaded setting goals because I used them to beat myself up. I made the goal mean that I had to meet it no matter what and if I didn’t I was failing. Decidedly un-fun. Why the heck would anyone set goals if it felt this way? (Answer: People who think setting goals is about making themselves do what they should do and not as rocket fuel for where they want to go.)

The other problem was that if I couldn’t see how to achieve the goal, I wouldn’t dream it. I decided that I would be that person for whom big goals didn’t work. Martha Beck talks about Wildly Improbable Goals (WIGs). I, on the other hand, became the master of Tame Probable Goals (which doesn’t make a cool acronym; you can see why it’s hasn’t caught on).

I chugged along with my not-so-wild probable goals for a while, and everything was good, but something was missing. I was kinda bored. And uninspired. Then I saw Ellen DeGeneres being interviewed on Oprah about her O Magazine cover campaign and, lightbulb MOOOO-MENT! (Say it in Oprah’s voice.) Ellen talked about how she sets big crazy goals to keep things interesting—she gets BORED if she doesn’t. BINGO! It was the understanding I was missing—big, crazy WIGs make life fun and interesting. Which makes them worth doing in my book. I was officially intrigued.

Then I realized the secret to awesome, fun goals is the juice.

The juice is the feel-good. Juicy goals are fun to think about, read, and tell everyone.

Juicy goals create the delicious tension between today’s known and tomorrow’s dream. The tension creates the inspiration, the spark that causes your neurons to start firing on how to get from where you are to where you want to be.

Here are some things I learned about creating juicy goals.

1. How, now
You don’t have to know how to get all the way to your goal. As a matter of fact, if you know exactly how to get there, it’s probably one of those wildly probable goals I mentioned above. Just focus on the “how” you know right now. More is revealed as you move TOWARD your goal.

A recent jaunt on a ropes course taught me about this. The goal was to move across a single cable strung between two telephone poles with ropes hung every 10-12 feet to assist me across (my friend Lauren is pictured right). I knew where I wanted to go and I had an idea of what I needed to do to get there. But I had no idea how to negotiate all the obstacles—or even what they were. My first “how” was to climb up the pole.

There were things I had no clue about looking from the ground–the end of the cable goes UPHILL? Are you kidding me? I couldn’t possibly figure out  or even know every step standing on the ground, I had to experience and learn as I went.

2. It’s about the ride
This is not just some trite t-shirt slogan. So often we put our heads down and grind through to get to the place we think will be happier/more successful/more fun/whatever. Making juicy goals is about creating one hell of a fun ride. The kind of ride that is so fun that wherever you end up is perfect.

3. Work like a dog
Ever watch a pooch dig a hole at the beach? They are completely going for it–tongue out, ears back, feet a-flying. Work like that.

And, from my last post:

5. Frame it in the positive
Focus on what you want rather than what you don’t.

6. Word it as if it’s already happening.
Otherwise you’ll always be waiting for it to happen.

7. Pour on the feel-good
You should feel GREAT when you read your goal. If not, keep working playing on it until you find the feel-good.

Here’s to a juicy 2010!

What’s Your Holiday Endgame?

How would you like the next 2 weeks to go? Here’s an awesome way to make it happen (because it’s hard to create something if you don’t know exactly what you’re creating). Simply complete the below questions—or add your own—to generate your holiday endgame. An endgame is just another way of saying goal or vision.

Make sure to:
* Frame it in the positive
So instead of saying “I won’t feel bloated and hungover.” say, “I feel lean and clear-headed.” See how different that is?

* Word it as if it’s already happening.
If you want to feel proud and free, you will always be wanting it.
“I feel proud and free as I stop eating when satisfied and enjoy kooky games with my family.”

* Pour on the feel-good
You should feel GREAT when you read your endgame. If not, keep working playing on it until you find the feel-good. Hint: drop the idea of what SHOULD be in your endgame and put what you want instead.

* Review it
Put it on a notecard and read it often!

Fancy Endgame Generator (ok, it’s not fancy, but it’s effective.)

It’s January 4, 2010 and you’ve made it through the holidays swimmingly.

How do you want to feel about yourself?

How do you want to feel about your body?

What did you do to enjoy the holiday?
(Hint: Let yourself have what you want and make it about more than just the food.)

What did you do to take care of yourself?

How much did you move your body?

What’s the number on the scale?
(If this one doesn’t feel good, substitute for another feel-good measure or skip it!)

Here’s my holiday endgame:
I love that workouts are a treat I give myself during the holidays. I fully enjoy whatever foods sound delicious while staying deeply connected to my body which weighs 165. I slow down and savor laughter and fun with friends and family. I feel blessed, proud of myself and ready to rock 2010!

Feel free to comment and share your endgame!

Wishing you the happiest of holidays.

Much love and gratitude,
Bridgette

What’s Hot (and Not) for the Holidays

Here’s my list of what’s hot and not for the holidays–I know you all will have your hot/not items. Comment and add them to the list!

Wishing you all the joy, peace and love of the season.

Self Care is An Attitude, Not An Activity

Not taking care of yourself? Not putting You at the top of your list like all the women’s magazines advise? Most of these articles advocate some form of trying harder. Make yourself the priority! Give yourself a reward! Get a pedicure! (Why does all self care start with a pedicure? As if the road to peace and happiness runs through your sparkly toenails…) And the ultimate self-care reward… wait for it… Massage!

Don’t get me wrong, these activities are lovely, I enjoy them myself. The problem is we have it backwards. These tactics will never work until we address WHY we’re not finding the space to take care of ourselves. Notice that I said space and not time.

The reason why you aren’t eating, food journaling, exercising, sleeping, meditating, or de-stresssing the way you want is not because you’re too busy, it’s because you have a damn good reason not to.

Any of these sound familiar?
Paying attention to my body’s hunger signals is hard.
Keeping a food journal is a hassle.
I don’t have time to plan meals.
It’ll never work.
I’m just going to fail again. (aka The Eyeore Defense)
I get more praise and attention for taking care of others than for taking care of me.
If I stop doing for others, I’ll feel scary emotions.

To move into self care mode, find the sucky reasons (SR’s) that are holding you back and use all those smarts you have to question them.

Here are some ways you could question the above SR’s:

What takes more time out of your life? Taking care of yourself, or not? Give yourself detailed examples of how not taking care of yourself takes more time and how taking care of yourself takes less. They’re there, I promise.

Rather than giving it a go, they Eyeore defense allows you to fail now and be done with it. That is indeed sucky.

What’s the cost of that praise and attention you’re working so hard to get? What happens when you work so hard and you don’t get it? In the esteemed words of the modern sage/nutball Dr. Phil, “How’s that working for ya?”

What would happen if you didn’t jump in and do for others? If it’s not enough that doing this would be an awesome thing for you–how might that be an awesome thing to do for them?

Can you die of feeling an emotion? Can you die (inside) from not feeling an emotion?

Self care is an attitude, not an activity.
I can be completely hair-on-fire busy and feel peaceful, content and caring toward myself. I can be getting one of those aforementioned pedicures and be a hot mess of stress.

What you’re doing and your level of activity in life matter less than how you’re THINKING about it and yourself. When you dissolve the beliefs that stand between you and caring for yourself, you’ll find a way to get enough sleep, fuel your body properly, exercise and take your Flintstone vitamins regardless of what’s going on. You’ll be calmer and more centered even in the storm of activity that is your life.

You’re never going to “put your oxygen mask on first” if you believe you’re getting a bigger emotional payoff for putting everyone else’s mask on first and leaving yourself lying passed out in your airplane seat. It will feel really hard to perform the self-loving acts that will take you to your natural weight until you disprove the beliefs getting in the way.

Once you dissolve all those sucky reasons for not putting yourself at the center of your life, then by all means, go get yourself a massage.