Blog

Feeling The Crappy

Those of us who have done a little bit of emotional eating in our day are really trying to avoid Feeling The Crappy. You won’t find any of us wearing t-shirts saying “I feeling my feelings!” We have performed amazing feats of distraction–overwork, overeating, overthinking, over-shopping, over-you-name-it, just to keep from being with ourselves. The problem is, we are already with ourselves. And, The Crappy is already there too. What we are doing is fighting The Crappy, which ups the intensity of The Crappy by about a factor of 10.

The best way to deal with The Crappy is to feel it. Truly.

Here’s an example. My client Lola*, has a thing about getting it all done. She will set a deadline for herself and push everything else out of her life to make it happen–other projects, exercise, socializing, and fueling her body. She recently realized she was operating in this pattern again, but instead of beating herself up or trying to push her feelings away, she did this:

“Right now, just articulating that I’m in the weird getting it done funk has helped a little. This time I’m watching myself do this, and saying why am I doing this? It’s progress… but it feels harsh because I’m not eating it away, I’m actually feeling what this is like–the stress, the tiredness, the strain.”

What’s she’s doing is perfect, she’s feeling The Crappy around her behavior, which is causing her to examine it and decide what she wants to do differently. If she does not feel The Crappy, she does not get to make a different choice.

How to feel The Crappy.

1. Locate it.
Where specifically are you feeling these emotions in your body? In your chest, heart, head, stomach? Scan your body and notice what you feel. You can actually feel the physical manifestation of your emotion.

2. Name it.
What exactly is the emotion you’re feeling? If this is hard to do, you can start with asking yourself if you feel sad, glad, mad or scared. Notice the difference between thoughts (I feel fat, I feel worthless, I feel gross) and emotions (I feel lonely, I feel anxious, I feel peeved). Naming the emotion helps you connect with feeling it.

3. Lean into it.
Instead of pushing The Crappy away, lean into it. I do this by visualizing myself leaning into wherever I feel the emotion in my body and allowing the emotions to come. Often my clients tell me they believe they will be consumed by the emotion if they do this. The truth is resisting the emotion and eating it down is consuming them. Feeling an emotion allows you to get to the other side of it, to process it. Then, like Lola, you gain clarity about your situation and decide what you want to do, rather than continuing to react and feel stuck. The thing about feeling The Crappy is that once you allow it, the feeling dissipates.

This is what Lola reported after feeling The Crappy:

“Big sigh of relief over here–and what made me laugh at myself is that it all was truly my creation, my fabrication… what up with that? It’s kind of comical now to think about.”

When you can laugh at yourself again, you know you’ve come out the other side.

*When you’re my client and I use your story in a blog post, you get to pick your own pseudonym.

PS

My friend and fellow coach Dani Fake Webb was thinking along the same lines with this post where she gets even more specific on how to feel your feelings.

It’s in the Moments

You can have a clear, overarching goal for yourself, but achieving it happens in the moments.

The moment you push back from brunch at +2 because you will feel proud of yourself when you do.

The moment you put on your walking shoes and go even when it’s raining.

The moment you make that phone call to learn more about adopting the child you want.

The moment you let yourself dream about your new career.

The moment you decide to stop beating yourself up today because you deserve better.

The moment you choose you over “busy.”

Keep choosing these moments and they become habits. The habits become your life.

And what was your goal is now how you roll…

Fuel Food Snack Ideas

Hey!

I recently decided I needed some new fuel food snack ideas so of course I consulted my Facebook family–my go-to information resource.

Here are their suggestions. You decide which ones work for you!

Susan Oglesbee Hyatt
cottage cheese w/blueberries, turkey on wheat, balance bars, almonds and dried apricots

Teri Oglesbee Proffitt
almonds !

Katherine Kaufman
Carrie’s trail mix. Almonds, dried cranberries, pumpkin seed. YUM! Also, cheese.

Kirsten Cameron
Trader Joes 8 minute steel cut oatmeal, ground flax seed, and some kind of fruit. Yum.

Dani Fake Webb
Frozen blueberries, nuked for 30 seconds, then mixed with vanilla yogurt. Apple & peanut butter. Handful of raisins & almonds. Buckwheat toaster waffle with honey or agave syrup. Crackers, grapes & a lil bit of cheese. Yogurt with Kashi go lean crunch cereal. Garbanzo beans with celery, red onion, red wine vinegar, olive oil, salt, pepper. Sweet potatoe, 8 mins in microwave, cinnamon & cloves.

Dixie St. John
Walnuts, hard-boiled egg, blueberries, V8…

Kelsey Foster
almonds, Larabar (coconut – yum!), apple w/ peanut butter, TJ’s hummus w/ veggies

Frances Cadora
apples and almond butter too, blacks bean and rice, I like eating a lot of fruit like berrries mixed together or smoothies from frozen fruit.

Linda Rains
Dried, pitted prunes with almonds. Healthy, easy snack. Yum!

Lori Race
chocolate…

Stacy Spears
walnuts with laughing cow light wedge!

Kelly Pratt
frozen edamame – nuke for 6 minutes add sea salt

Katherine Kaufman
Pinot Grigio, but just for a snack. Chardonnay for a meal.

Kimba Livesay
Jelly Bellies! Hey sometimes a girl has to munch. I am the whole wheat pita pocket queen. Everyday I stuff one with organic salad greens, veggies and TJ’s Ranch dressing (low fat and sugar). Add a cup of veggie soup for lunch or dinner.

Chona Castro
Pirates Booty!

Esther Golton
Brown rice sushi rolls with something yummy in the middle (avocado or tuna or cucumbers… dipped in soy-sauce and wasabi, of course! Yum!

Laura Hilton English
Shelled Edamame (find them at Trader Joes in the frozen food section). With a little salt you can be fooled into thinking it is almost like fries (or at least I can).

Liz Gallagher
http://www.zingbars.com/ I like the choco/peanut butter

Christina Brandt
soy joy bars. an avocado.

Martha Monaco
homemade trail mix with almonds, raisins, dried cranberries, sunflower kernels, chocolate chips; hummus and whole wheat pita; greek yogurt with granola.

Amy Johnson
Clif bar’s Zbars (they’re supposed to be for kids but they are delish!), whole wheat english muffin with peanut butter, and yogurt with Kashi go lean cereal mixed in.

Sue Spoden
Sunflower seed granola from Clean Eating. If you like oatmeal, sunflower seeds, peanut butter… Mix 3/4 cup sf seeds, 1/4c ground flaxseeds, 1/2 c almonds, 1/2 c shredded unsweetened coconut, 3 tbls nat. peanut butter, 1/2 tsp salt, 1/3 c agave syrup or honey, 1/2 tsp vanilla. Bake at 300F in a sheet cake pan for 40 minutes. Remove from oven and mix in 1/2 c dried cranberries when cool. A great, high protein snack. Make 12 servings – 234 calories, 13g protein. Yum! One of my favorite things.

Toni Turner
plain old gorp (raisins and peanuts) with a little chocolate chip treat sprinkled in for fun…best high energy food i use in the mountains…

Missy Hooton
Homemade hummus made with flax oil & fresh lime eaten with organic carrot & jicama sticks… yum!

Koren Pollock Motekaitis
yogurt with ground flax (and frozen mixed berries), almonds, trail mix, cottage cheese and stoned wheat crackers

Taconcitos De Infarto
beetroot cake – lots of seeds inside and outside (homemade, a plus:-))

Stacey Riley Shanks
dates!

Emiko Jaffe
Hummus and carrots, hard boiled egg and a banana, GF bread toasted with avocado and marinated artichokes, apples with almond butter or peanut butter, tempeh pate and with rice crackers (savory thins at Trader Joes!).

Gina Vick
plain greek yogurt drizzled with a really good honey. a slice of a tangy cheese (think smoked gouda) drizzled with a really good honey or a mellow cheese splashed w/ balsamic vinegar (I like strong tastes)

Gail G. Kenny
Snap Pea Crisps

Sheryl Lanham
wasa crackers with pesto and goat cheese (or any cheese) toasted under the broiler…chocolate covered coffee beans with mixed nuts…yummmmmmmmm

BTW here are some of my faves: Kind bars, Greek yogurt with bob’s granola, apple with cheese, wasa crackers with cheese, fruit, raw nut mix.

Releasing the Pressure

The Pressure.

You know, to perform, to be successful, to prevent bad things from happening, to lose weight.

When I finally got off the whirlwind I’ve been on for the past few weeks (Who am I kidding? It’s been months.) and looked around, I saw people putting tons of pressure on themselves: clients, friends, fellow coaches.

And me.

The belief is, “If I keep the pressure on, I’ll get what I want.”

Which translates to:
If I tell myself I’m fat and point out my flaws, I’ll lose weight.
If I beat myself up, I’ll do better.
If I worry enough, good things will happen.
If I do it perfectly, I will acceptable.

Can you see the problem here?

We say to ourselves,
Do bad/hard/heinous thing to get good thing.

Remember in school when you had to do equations and you learned that both sides of the equation have to balance or the world tilts on its axis or something? (Honestly I probably cut class that day.)

Same thing here.

We think the equation is:
Pressure=Desired Outcome

What it really is:
Pressure=Pressure.

I’m not going to get all math-y on you, what I’m trying to say is that we put the pressure on because we think that will get us what we want.

Doesn’t work, the equation is not balanced.

Here’s the part where your brain might explode a bit so grab a tissue to contain any unfortunate seepage, I’ll be here…

The key to your desired outcome is releasing the pressure.
Letting yourself off the hook.
Quitting the worrying.
Giving yourself a big ol’ break.

It’s making peace with yourself so you can lose weight.
It’s being kind to yourself so you do better.
It’s staying in the moment so you notice good things when they happen.
It’s doing it imperfectly and accepting yourself.

See? The equation balances.

And you get an A.

Want to practice releasing your pressure? I cooked up this handy worksheet you can download for free.

Flipping Fear

Darcy is afraid to give up the comfort and security food has given her. She can’t even THINK about what stopping overeating might be like.

She is overwhelmed by fear. Fear is generated by that ancient, reptilian part of our brain, the amygdala, affectionately known as your “Inner Lizard.” It’s an awesome response when we truly are in imminent physical danger. It was extremely useful to our ancestors when they were under attack by a Sabre-Toothed Tiger. It triggered their fight-or-flight response, and, as my historical reference “Clan of the Cave Bear” suggests, they were then able to perform heroic (and eerily modern) acts to save their lives. In these times, most fear is generated not by imminently dangerous external circumstances, but by our minds–our thoughts to be specific.

You can see this with Darcy. She is not in any kind of physical danger, yet her fear feels no different than what our primal ancestors felt. Until she’s able to flip that fear, she won’t be able to successfully stop overeating.

Here’s how to flip this kind of thought-generated fear.

Face the Fear
Darcy’s main problem is that she’s resisting the fear, and by refusing to look at it and what’s driving it, she intensifies it. You can’t push fear or any emotion away, the key is to face it and see what is really there. Which will lead you to…

Disprove the Thought
What thought is causing the fear? How does that affect you? And, of course the infamous Dr. Phil question, “How’s that workin’ for ya?” If you decide it’s not working, now that you’ve wiggled that thought loose in your mind, you can find one that feels more true and helps you create the kind of outcome you want.

Darcy’s thought that is causing her to feel afraid is “I need food to give me comfort and security.” When she believes this thought, she feels — you got it! — afraid, and perhaps hopeless and anxious. And, when she contemplates stopping overeating food to lose the extra weight on her body, she becomes paralyzed at the thought of losing her “friend.” Yet she desperately wants to be free from the food obsession. As long as her mind believes this thought, she will not be able to consistently eat the amount of food her body needs because when she feels this fear, she binges. Here is the ultimate irony–food is NOT giving her comfort and security, overeating food brings her discomfort and insecurity. This thought she believes is a lie.

Flip to a Better Thought
Thoughts that bring you fear and pain are always lies. I know this is a big pill to swallow, but even in the darkest of circumstances, there are multiple stories (thoughts) you can tell yourself about what’s happening. Think about it. Right now Darcy wants to lose weight. But she’s telling herself a very scary story of deprivation and loss of comfort which is preventing her from doing that. There are multitudes of stories she could tell herself instead. What she wants to find is a thought that feels better and also feels true. Many people fall down here because they find a thought that sounds better, but it does not feel true to them. That won’t work. It is vital to keep brainstorming until you find a thought that meets the better AND more true criteria.

Here’s what that better-thought finding process might look like for Darcy:

Thought 1: I am a pretty pretty princess and all will be well.
She doesn’t believe it for a second–not better, not feeling true.

Thought 2: I don’t need food to give me comfort and security! I can do it on my own!
Sounds nice, but Darcy can’t quite buy this yet–doesn’t feel true for her.

Thought 3: Food is food, it does not provide comfort.
Hmmmm, interesting, Darcy says. This one gets her mind clicking–getting warmer…

Thought 4: I give me comfort and security.
Again, very interesting, but Darcy can’t quite get there. That’s ok!

Thought 5: I’m only giving up the parts of food that don’t bring me comfort and security.
BOOM! Darcy’s got it. She feels a shift inside, a relaxation when she thinks this thought. It’s just right for her because it doesn’t ask her to totally give up her beliefs about food, just the part that isn’t working for her. This new thought causes her to feel relaxed and even excited about the idea of fueling her body and honoring it rather than overeating. She can start to see how doing that would bring her more comfort and security than overeating does. She knows she still has more thoughts to work through, but she’s up for giving it a go.

The next time you feel that tingle of anxiety or gut-wrench of fear, instead of pushing it back down with rationalizations or food, check it out, find the thought that’s fueling it and flip it.