What I Learned from 12-Step Slogans

posted by Bridgette Boudreau on Thursday, March 5, 2009
CATEGORY: All

I’m a drunk. I haven’t had a drink since I was 18 years old so my alcoholism was more of the skip-school-shotgun-beers-get-the-spins-and-barf kind rather than the more genteel drink-red-wine-talk-too-loud-cry-on-your-girlfriend’s-shoulder variety. Being an overachiever, I like to say I’ve already consumed my lifetime supply of alcohol.

Being a drunk was a gift. I went to meetings for many years where some very patient old-timers taught me to “live life on life’s terms” and what seemed like a million other eye-rolling slogans. The thing about the corny slogans is they’re actually little parables that express a deeper truth. Those slogans taught me a lot about how to live without using substances to numb out to my feelings. Even though it took me a few more years to stop using all substances to numb out (food anyone?), meetings were the first opportunity I had to examine my beliefs about myself and the world around me.

In meetings we always used to say we felt bad for the “normies” that didn’t have a group like we did to help them learn how to live happy and fulfilling lives. Now I wonder if there really are any normies. So for all you un-normies out there, I thought I would share some of my favorite slogans.

One day at a time. This is the quintessential 12-step slogan. When alcoholics are looking down a loooong dry road of a lifetime of sobriety, it can feel overwhelming. Overwelming enough to make them very thirsty. This slogan reminds us to stay in the here and now and that in this moment, all is well. Ah… thirst (or hunger) abated.

You’re only as sick as your secrets. Keeping secrets is about feeling ashamed of what we’ve done or what’s happened to us. We feel shame because we BELIEVE these things make us wrong/bad/less than in some way. They don’t. It’s our beliefs about what happened that keep us “sick.” No secrets, no shameful beliefs.

Wherever you go, there you are. This one always made me want to punch my sponsor. I was a big fan of changing my circumstances to try to change my feelings. This slogan reminds me that I can try to change the outside all I want, but if I don’t change the inside, nothing’s really changed. I also like to think about this in the context of when/then thinking–”When I lose all the weight, then I’ll be happy.” If you don’t do the inside work, you’ll just be a thinner unhappy person.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. The idea that I was actually a little insane if I kept trying the same thing over and over really shook me up. It wasn’t just being stubborn, it was a little nutty. So it’s crazy to keep beating myself up and expect to lose weight? Interesting…

Stop tuning into KFCK. KFCK is the mental radio station hosted by your very own inner lizard. The inner lizard is that part of our brain that, when it really gets going, can spout fearful and just plain mean thoughts all day long. When this happens, you’ve tuned into KFCK. Gently and kindly turn the dial to another station.

Time takes time. This is my favorite slogan because I remember being 2 months sober and wanting to be 10 years sober—because surely I would have it all together then (FYI, I didn’t). Classic when/then thinking. My sponsor would laugh—there was a lot of that—and remind me that having experience and being expert at something takes time. This one reminds me to be where I am and enjoy the ride.

I know there’s more slogans out there and 12-step programs surely do not have the corner on the market. What’s your favorite slogan and why? Comment and share.

Comments (12)

12 Responses to “What I Learned from 12-Step Slogans”

• Linders Says:
  March 5th, 2009 at 7:10 pm

  “Fall down seven times and get up eight.” Reminds us to never give up, always striving to pursue our goals and dreams, even when struggling or through minor (or even major) stumbles and setbacks.

  “I can’t live the life I want to live and “. If a once pleasant activity becomes problem, addictive behavior, we limit our potential for happiness and growth. We must accept that this behavior has become a problem, is affecting our lives, and work to remove/manage it so that we can get back on path to living the life we truly want.

  Simple statements on the surface, with so much meaning below.

  Congrats on recognizing such a powerful addiction at such an early age!

• Bridgette Boudreau Says:
  March 5th, 2009 at 7:17 pm

  Wow Linders, I love these–what an awesome addition.

  I didn’t so much recognize my addiction as get my butt whooped by it–but yes, I was very fortunate and I am truly grateful.

• Jennifer Voss Says:
  March 5th, 2009 at 7:30 pm

  Bridgette – I love this post! One of my favorites is “You must be present to win.” It just kindof sums it all up. I’m pretty sure I’ve forfieted several wins due to not being fully present! I also love “We came to save our ass and found out that our soul was attached.” I’m not sure from where this originated, but when I finally started addressing the cause of my emotional eating, this became not only funny, but soberingly true. Thanks for the post. I love this type of thinking!
  Jennifer

• Bridgette Boudreau Says:
  March 5th, 2009 at 7:34 pm

  Thanks Jennifer! You reminded me of one of my favs that I forgot: “You can’t save your ass and your face at the same time.”
  Love your additions.

• Jeannette Says:
  March 5th, 2009 at 9:04 pm

  I’ll be thinking about this all night, Bridgette! Jennifer’s post reminds me of “You can’t win if you don’t play.” My (recovering) alcoholic father always (sarcastically) said of any success that came his way, “I owe it all to clean living.” My ex-fiance said “It is what it is.” Super interestinig topic!

• Rachel Says:
  March 5th, 2009 at 9:19 pm

  I LOVED this post.

  A couple of favorites of mine are…(I’m not into celebrities at all, but, ironically, they both come from celebrities!)

  One is something Andre Agassi said when asked if he regretted having skipped Wimbledon for a few years. He responded “Yes. You can’t win if you don’t play”.

  I love this quote as it reminds us to get out there, to try…that if we don’t even try, we have no chance at winning. Kind of echos a little what Jennifer said in her comment.

  The other little saying or thought I love is something Drew Barrymore said in an interview. She was talking about a little butterfly tattoo she got and said something like, “I love butterflies because they remind us that it’s never too late to transform yourself.”

  I absolutely love that and repeat that to myself often…

  Again, I just loved this post and took so much away from it.

• Melody Campbell, The Small Business Guru Says:
  March 5th, 2009 at 9:32 pm

  This was a really gutsy post. I appreciate it, alot.

  I think I grew up addicted to fear – different addiction but many similar nightmares. My father was a drunk and I woke up at the end of his fist more than I cared to. Sometimes the “addiction” manifests in a different way.

  The slogan I related to the most is “Stop tuning into KFCK” I have set a careful watch on that mindset and tune in to what is good, honest, true, beautiful – I choose to think on these things.

  It makes all the difference

• Lisa B Says:
  March 8th, 2009 at 3:17 pm

  My new favorite 12 step slogan is Easy Does It. It’s kinda funny that it’s my favorite because I used to hate it. I thought it meant, Whoa! or Simmer Down Missy. But recently a wise, sober sage told me that it really means -do it easy. Long lasting behavioral change happens when you do it easy – gently, naturally, in the now – moment by moment. I’m learning that as I lay down the familar “struggle to lose weight” on my journey to my natural weight, and simply follow the good sense of my body’s physical hunger, my actions are easy and so is my weight loss. Thanks Bridgette for your easy does it brilliance and guidance!

• Bridgette Boudreau Says:
  March 8th, 2009 at 5:46 pm

  Thanks everyone for contributing your great additions. Lisa, you made me think of this one too–Easy does it — but DO it.

• Lynn Hess Says:
  June 12th, 2009 at 3:30 pm

  Hi, Bridgette! This is my first visit to your blog, and I have enjoyed all your posts — but especially this one. I had some experience with some 12-step programs back in the day, and the slogans always drove me insane. I didn’t get them at all. Now that I’m older and have a broader perspective, I see how much wisdom some of them really contain. Thanks for encouraging me to revisit some of the oldies-but-goodies, and introducing me to a brand new one that I hadn’t heard but am now adopting for DAILY use — “stop tuning into KFCK.” I LOVE it!!

  My addition to your list is the slogan “attraction, not promotion.” I find this concept works in so many areas of life. I hate feeling “sold,” whether it’s a product — or someone else’s belief system. I think people respond so much better to seeing something and saying “I want that!” and choosing it with their own power instead of under pressure — which is of course what coaching is all about, and that is so very well reflected in your philosophy on your website!

  Thanks!

• Bridgette Boudreau Says:
  June 12th, 2009 at 3:37 pm

  Thanks for stopping by and commenting Lynn! You’re right, attraction, not promotion is another good one. Cheers!

• Weight Shift Coaching » Terminally Unique Says:
  September 15th, 2009 at 8:21 am

  [...] had a saying for this in 12-step programs, they call it being “terminally unique”. Each person tends [...]

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